raeh

It is done

2006-06-04T16:08:00.000-06:00

Well...it is here.

I think I am done blogging.

Those who got my digits, phone - it'd be great to hear your voices.
Those who got my snail mail addy, write - letters are just awesome.
Those who are far and have just my email, drop me some txt.

so yeah...
ciao

a post for ya'll

2006-06-02T21:39:00.000-06:00

There are many reasons why a post is in order.
1) It is June second
2) It's been awhile
3) Those of you who read this instead of emailin' or something need an update *wink*

There are more - but seriously - the Oilers need to have another game so I can write another post! (oh hardy har....)

I have been working for week and a half now.
I missed the exhaustion following a work day, there is something really satisfying when you work hard and are tired afterwards, I don't mind that sort of exhaustion, don't mind it at all. I need to learn how to apply that when I am trying to follow Jesus, I need to learn (and expect to) get tired or exhausted in my pursuit of truth because honestly it'll take all your focus and determination.

Proverbs chapter two verses one to five (the following is verses four and five):
....and if you look for it (wisdom) as for silver and search for it as for hidden treasure, then you will understand the fear of the LORD and find the knowledge of God.....

When I read that I think of the type of search that would be, it overwhelms me how exhaustive and long it would be. I can imagine the feeling I would feel spiritually would be similar to feeling of satisfaction and exhaustion after working hard at something.

I just watched X3 - now I wish I was a super hero - really really wish I was a super hero.

I'm off to make tea.

YEAH BABY!!

2006-05-28T01:07:00.000-06:00

oh gosh....
whyte ave (the blue mile)
is amazing.

So thankful I am in Edmonton when the wonderful Oilers took the western conference finals. It was a delightful end to the game! *sigh* I love my team.

I can't begin to express my joy at being in Edmonton right now.
Oiler's fans everywhere!
Its so nice to be in "oil country".
I felt it the moment I arrived.

It will be very very hard to head back into the "Flaming flying 'C'" land.
i'll be back on whyte ave for the cup series,
for the Oilers when they are back in town.

I LOVE MY TEAM

2006-05-21T22:44:00.000-06:00

Well friends....game two in of the Western Conference Finals ended with my team pulling out ahead and winning.

Oilers

I feel the very definition of exhausted. The TESOL course that I have been taking this month finished today. I had to teach a mini lesson infront of half of my class. I find it amazing how more terrifying it is getting infront of people you have come to know. I was fine until I started speaking and then I was overwhelmed with the "nervous shakes". Apparently I came off incredably "cool and collected, clear and easy to understand, confident and relaxed"....... by the grace of God alone.

This last week leading up to this weekend I was feeling the weight of being tired. I thought that because this course was so different from what I had just left at FGBC, and because it was only three weekends, I thought that it would be ok. This last week I was so done. I was tired, and sick of being in a class setting. It made me very thankful that I am not planning on heading into more studies this fall....I need a break.

So it is great being on this side of things now....not having to head into more studies anytime soon. I can take a break, find a job, build a routine and try to wait on the LORD.

I am so horribly tired.....my eyes.....are heavy.......and....I.....go to ...... bed.

All the way Oilers.....

2006-05-17T21:14:00.000-06:00

GO OILERS!
Yup I am definately excited....
I am looking forward to the Western Conference series, it will be some good hockey.
Rolo played AMAZING tonight...*sigh*.

Back to the homework I go.
I am almost done this course (which is strange that it is almost over already) this weekend coming up is our exam weekend...I need to go find some more resources....

Update

2006-05-14T19:27:00.000-06:00

Weekend two of three has now past.
This - being the middle weekend - is more difficult of the three for a handful of reasons. First of all, the feeling of being swamped under the weight of all the information being thrown your way is enough to make ones head swim.

Secondly, its the grammar weekend. For us native speakers of English, unless we have an innate love for the inner workings of grammar, we are usually not aware of what the grammar types are called and how they are being used in a a sentence. Learning how to recognize the grammar we use in everyday life and learning how to be a good communicator of said things to those who have no framework for it - is a bit overwhelming.
All in all it is going good.

This week will find me solidifying my mini lesson that I need to teach to my class, gathering resources, trying to find sleep, finishing the first season of "Lost", and drinking lots of water. I cannot believe that this course is over next weekend. Very strange.
Ciao

Oh too blog...

2006-05-12T10:57:00.000-06:00

To be honest, I am struggling with this blog.
Struggling with what I want it to be, why I am writing here, who is even reading it. To some degree, now that I am not so near to the ones who read these haphazardly thrown together words, I feel a sense of obligation in turning this into a "this is what's happening in the life of Raeh" sort of blog.
But I always stop short of that, always hesitant to let it become that type of a blog. I do not want it to be a day to day log of my life right now. I realize that sure some posting have been that, but that is not the reason why I started a blog.

So with all that said, I sign into blogger and stare at the blank box where I write my posts. Then I sign out - "another day" I mumble as I close the internet window.

prairie rain

2006-05-08T14:36:00.000-06:00

It feels a bit strange to be back in Eston. Its only been a week since I left so in many ways it doesn't feel as though I left at all; except that I packed another vehicle with the rest of my stuff today before the rain.
Ahhhh the rain. It is covering windows and vehicles, steady in its falling, wonderful in its weight. I sat in my roomates car just so that I could hear the rain, it is one of my favorite sounds. The rythmn, the echo...
Almost better than that sound is getting out of the vehicle and breathing in the radiant smell of wet grass, mud, and prairie feilds all in one rush of air.
I love it when it rains.

Excellent movie

2006-05-05T00:54:00.000-06:00

hola

excellent movie

I want to watch it again - right now.

I mean...its ....well....its just good.

very very good.

Its day four, about to switch into day five, of Raeh in cowtown.
I start this TESOL course this weekend.
I am excited and nervous all at once.
It feels like an enormous opportunity of such grand proportions, something that could set off chain reactions throughout the rest of my life. And yet it could also just be seasonal, its purpose completed faster than I can blink. Regardless, I feel God's hand in it, and being aware of his moving and working is such a blessing, but creates ripples of anticipation, expectation, and nervousness.

Its the unknown element to all of this that is making me nervous. Like the rest of mankind I have this incredible desire to be in control, to know what's coming, to know how to put the next foot infront of the other. Serving the Lord is was causes friction with this desire of mine, because it is a constant laying down of control, of admitting that I WON'T know what is going to happen next, but I rest in the knowledge that God does know and He is the one guiding my steps.
It is getting used to mystery, the unknown, the questions without answers.

I sit in this place, recognizing my nervousness, my excitement, my anticipation for what is coming....and I realize that there is a rest undergirding all of it. There is something that makes me just be still....and I am so thankful for that. I know I trust the Lord, his work, his timing that makes no sense to me but ends up being more perfect than I could have imagined, and that is why my anticipation is greater than my nervousness....because I know he is doing a great work, not only in me, but in those around me.
That is exciting.

Almost Edward Norton

2006-05-02T21:28:00.000-06:00

Starting on Saturday I am taking a 60 hour TESOL teaching certification course to give me some credentials to teach English as a second language and as a forgien language in other countries. Tonight was the information night for this course.

After this information night, some of us were talking with the instructor for the course. This one guy who was at the information night was up talking with the instructor, and I wasn't looking at him because i was filling out a form. All of a sudden I hear his voice and my head shoots up and I am just staring at this guy.

One of my favorite actors of all time is Edward Norton - and this mans speech, manerisms, and even how he moved his mouth was IDENTICAL - nearly at least - to Edward Norton. I stood there transfixed....suddenly realizing I was staring at this guy who looked like a computer-live-in-the-basement-nerd type of guy...looked nothing like Edward at all.....boy oh boy did he sound like him.

It was pretty much exciting.

Here I am

2006-05-01T21:50:00.000-06:00

Here I am - I am here.
I find myself in Calgary, a city that I never thought I would ever live in.
I find myself excited, looking forward to what is coming.
Something is in the works and I find myself very excited at the thought of it working out, of the doors that could potentially open because of it, the places, the people to be seen and met through it....
I am excited, anticipating what is coming, waiting with an expectant heart.

I am enormously exhausted, obviously I have not had much time to process let alone recover from school ending. Strange to think that I only just arrived today, seems like such a long day, so many things happened - It doesn't feel like it all happened in one day.

What does tomorrow hold?
Let me tell you.

Tea
Sleep
PS2
Tea
A walk
Phoning someone
Organizing my banking issues
Another walk
PS2
and ummm PS2

The Album Leaf

2006-04-25T16:49:00.000-06:00

I fell in love with a new band a little while ago. Discovered that all of a sudden what I was boppin' my head to was really really good and started to pay more attention to it. It was then that I was hooked.
They are called "The Album Leaf"
Mostly instrumental, slightly techono-ish ambient beats, scarce vocals.....just really well done music - I really can't get enough of them right now....

So its Tuesday eh....definately need to get packing...I leave very soon.

Grad has come and gone...

2006-04-24T17:25:00.000-06:00

I woke up this morning and couldn't believe that I had graduated. It all felt like a dream. That I hadn't really walked across the stage and recieved my degree, I just couldn't believe it.

I haven't broken down completely in tears over the ending of school.
I can imagine that it will hit when I am in Calgary, when I realize that I won't be returnng to college.... but that is expected....it will be strange when it happens though.

Jr High is this weekend coming up and so the majority of the students stickin' around are helping get things up and ready.
Definately out of words again......

I'm getting a Degree....who'da thought.

2006-04-23T00:30:00.000-06:00

Well friends, tomorrow I walk the stage in my cap and gown and recieve my Degree in Biblical Studies. Unbelievable.
I sit here exhausted but happy. It is so good to have my mom and aunt here this weekend, to be able to laugh with my friends, and to look back on these last eight months and see the change that has taken place in each of our lives. I am honoured to have shared this journey with these people, blessed and so thankful for them in my life.

Thankfully I have not broken into a fit of tears - yet. I fear that tomorrow it will hit. Maybe as I sit on stage, as I see my peers in their caps and gowns, as I look out at the parents, friends, and teachers, or maybe just as I realize that its been a four year long journey that is in some ways ending tomorrow. Even though it is sad to say "see ya laters", it is an exciting time, I am happy for us grads and happy thinking of those returning next year, all that they will learn, the friends they will make, and the change that will take place in their lives.

I can't wait to hear their stories down the road!
catch ya on the flip side...

well folks....

2006-04-20T10:23:00.000-06:00

Today has blasted upon me and what is it?
Let me tell you - it is Thursday.
Thursday's are typically wonderful days, the excitement and glee looking forward to the fast approaching weekend is usually something that gets everyone through.

However this Thursday is a bit more - odd.
You see this weekend coming up is not like other weekends, and I do realize that no weekend is the same... but this weekend I graduate with a bachelors degree in Biblical Studies....
that's almost intimidating....

My to do list has dwindled, now all that remains is packing and organizing all my "stuff", signing yearbooks, and hanging out with friends. It doesn't seem like very much left to do, but let me tell you that none of those things are easily done.

I am trying to live with my camera attached to me so that I can get some fun photo's of people before everyone leaves...the problem is that my batteries die very consistently......
.........
.........
.........I have definitely run out of things to say.

Monday p.m.

2006-04-17T20:13:00.000-06:00

You have caught me up within your whirlwind,
a spinning and swaying that consumes.
This turning about has made my eyes fuzzy,
my vision blurry, my thoughts tear.
You have caused my gaurds to fall...

Emotions that were once tucked away with ease,
I am finding tha "ease" has slipped away somewhere,
up and left me unexpectedly,
no note,
no "i'll be back later",
just up and left without warning.

Like a tantrum throwing child
I thrash in frustration,
in my confusion I find
myself caught in the rythmn of your whirlwind.

Soothing in its steadiness,
I forget my frustration,
I forget my childish anger,
and I rest...

.the end is near.

2006-04-16T10:51:00.000-06:00

The first thought to run through my mind as I woke up this morning was "I really like country music" and the real reason for this post was actually the second thought to run through my mind this morning "I Graduate in 7 days". As exciting as that thought is, it was enough to freeze me to my bed. I didn't want to wake up, I didn't want to face this last regualr sunday I have here, I didn't want to pack and think of all I have to do. I just wanted to lie there and pretend it didn't exist.

This is going to be a hard week. So dear FGBC friends...if suddenly I am nowhere to be found understand that I am probably in hiding, probably taking really long walks down highways that stretch and stretch, probably buring myself in boxes, mindlessly craming and organizing all that I have here.

I have so much to organize.

No title today

2006-04-12T10:14:00.000-06:00

I have a favorite word today...
Do you want to know what it is?

...Blatherings....

In fact, it may not be a word at all,
but I like it.
It pretty much sums up how I have been the last few days...
just blathering about,

in emails, in essays, with friends...
boisterously blathering...
bahahahaha
alright back to my paper...

Soon I will see...

2006-04-11T09:56:00.000-06:00

I once listened to an Indian on Television say that God was in the wind and the water, and I wondered at how beautiful that was because it meant you could swim in Him or have Him brush your face in a breeze...
I believe I will reflect upon thses early days, these days when it seemed God was down a dirt road, walking toward me. Years ago He was a swinging speak in the distance; now He is close enough I can hear his singing.

Soon I will see the lines on His face...
- From Blue Like Jazz

.....that last line excites me, stirs me in me joy like an child.....
Soon, soon I will see the lines on His face.

France

2006-04-10T18:29:00.000-06:00

I fell asleep dreaming of living in France last night.
I have had it on my heart to learn French for a long time now. I just feel like I "have" to, there is no option in the matter - and I just really would like to be fluent in French (someday I want to speak as many languages as I have time to learn)

My logic with languages is that if I have the means I want to move to where the language is spoken instead of just taking classes. This is because languages are tied with cultures and people, and to get a proper understanding of a language you need to see and be with the culture and the people.

I have wanted to move to France for a long time, namely because the countryside would be a beautiful place to get to know, also to learn french cuisine, but primarily to learn the language, France french. (Canadian french is ok, but it is VERY different from France french, if i get a choice in the matter, I choose France French).

I am getting excited about moving to Calgary, about getting to know the area that I will be living in, about being able to swim in the mornings, of joining bowling clubs and aqua size, taking walks and exploring downtown Calgary, finding a church community...Too soon, my time here is ending too soon.
I have run out of things to type.

A Picture of Me Today

2006-04-08T14:50:00.000-06:00

Listening too:
Hildegard Von Bingen

Working On:
Internship Final Paper

Dreaming Of:
Being a Photo Journalist

Drinking:
Tea

Wishing:
That I had nothing to do but be with friends and pack my stuff.

Trying too:
Learn CSS

Flickr

2006-04-07T19:36:00.000-06:00

I put some of the photo's that I take on Flickr, as most of you know. I highly recomend that if you have any time at all, or if you appreciate photography, there are some really amazing photographers that host their photo's on Flickr, and are well worth the time in looking at their photo's. Check them out.

In my travels on Flickr I stumbled across "bsidez" and he is from the netherlands.
His photo's are incredable.

There is many in this one set of these abandoned buildings and such. When I see these photo's I want to climb inside of them and explore, climbe the stairs, feel the walls, smell the dust hanging in the air.
I haven't had the chance to explore adandoned buildings in so long. My childhood is made up of exploring abandoned farm houses, grain elevators, churches, garages, climbing on old farm equiptment....*sigh*I miss it.

I have come to realize how much of an adventurer I am, I long to climb mountains, swim seas, canoe rivers, hike trails, learn of cultures, speak languages. Bsidez photo's bring this all to my mind....

addiction

2006-04-04T11:45:00.000-06:00

This is my addiction.
I grew up in this small town and hung out with Bible College students who were passionate in their development of the game of foozeball. Without fail I could walk down into the games room and find two - sometimse four - students trying desperately to win, sometimes there would be a considerable amount of people crowed around the table, watching the match take place.

This is the place and the enviroment where I learned to play.
I learned against those crazy bible college students.

It was after first year that I decided to put foozeball to the side, it was taking WAY to much of my time and in fact I barely played until this last half of my last year here.
I have awakened the demon and the incredable love of that game.
It really is all I think about...and boy oh boy does it make me smile when I think of it.

I thought I would just share with you all something so dear to my life.
Do something you absolutley love to do today - for no reason other than you love to do it.
I shall play foozeball.

nut to-the ella

2006-04-03T07:58:00.000-06:00

Fact of the morning --> I am craving nutella.
This chocolaty nutty goodness brings to mind England.
Oh how I miss England.

I miss using their coins, hearing their slang, seeing the expression on their faces and hearing them apologize endlessly for their rudeness as they discovered I was Canadian and not American. I really did fall in love with London. I think it is one of those cities that I would like to live in - should I ever be able to afford it.

mmm, dreamy creamy nutella.

I am also craving Royal Gala Apples.
I definately like them apples.

I shall go buy some nutella and royal gala apples.
A simple delight for a simple gal.
Alrighty folks, its the 3rd already....
...yikes...

no more countdown

2006-04-01T11:41:00.000-06:00

You all may be wondering where the countdown on the side bar went. Well to be quite honest with you all it was depressing me. I think the reality that it is going to be ending so quickly has begun to hit home and watching those numbers get smaller and smaller - well I just couldn't do it anymore....

So that is where the countdown went...

In other news, our ECFHA hockey team (lets hear it for Endtimes Hockey Battilion) has swept the semi finals of playoffs and now advances to the final games on monday...

definate w00t

I have started to pack - just books and such. I usually pack in spurts, I will all of a sudden be overwhelmed with the urge to pack and so I will. Its hard for me to do it little by little.

Anyway, I think my spurts will be more out of frustration this time around - frustration that this is ending, it will be a venting session of sorts, where all the emotion I am feeling of one season ending and another begining will be thrown into chucking things in boxes and trying to keep it all organized so I can find stuff when I get to Calgary...

I have three assignments left - that is a very small amount. I will most likely finish two of them by monday...

I am off to play foozeball...

ciao

stand and smile

2006-03-28T11:40:00.000-06:00

I stepped out of my front door this morning and walked into sunlight.
I was instantly happy.
I love those moments that arrest your soul,
that leave you breathless.
I was hopeless to its attack, it just came on me and I couldn't do anything but stand there, face towards the sun with a smirk spread across my face.

So I just stood, it was all I could do.
Stand and smile.

It was like the morning was awake,
like one of those people who have a brisk shower in the morning, all chipper and ready to wake everyone up, not in an annoying way though,
no - this was the pleasent chipper kind, the sort that makes you smile because there is so much genuine joy.

I am going to go stand and smile in the sun,
its a wonderful habit to get into.

typewritter

2006-03-27T04:14:00.000-06:00

I love words.
I love to write.

I once bought an old type writer
just so that I could hear it click when I typed.
Sometimes I would type nonsense,
sometimes I would write poetry,
and sometimes I would try and write letters, but never got far because something in me always says that if a letter is going to be sent to someone you care about, it needs to be hand written.

Clicking away on a type writer
makes me want to write.
It makes me feel like a writer.
I haven't clicked on it in a long time,
in fact it is sitting in my van that has not run for a year...
guess I should go boost that.

definately

2006-03-24T08:22:00.000-06:00

I want to be bare foot,
standing on the edge of the ocean
looking at the surf...

with a cup of tea...

small observances

2006-03-23T10:14:00.000-06:00

It is amazing how everything changes when you are awake.
What I mean to say is how its all sharper,
colours,
sounds,
laughter and the like.

I think of how being in relationship with Jesus is like being awake.
Life - is life, it isn't something meaningless to move on from,
it is not something to shuffle off, to push past,
but rather something to joyfully take part in,
like an elaborate feast to be tasted and treasured.

Things become sharper as He makes my heart softer,
there is still pain,
still brokenness,
but somehow there is joy,
there is laughter,
there is rest.

I have an enormously aggravating pain my back...
I shall go deal with that.

.weak knees.

2006-03-22T13:01:00.000-06:00

Voices dancing together in song,
the ebb and flow of melody
that pulls and releases,
the interplay,
the calling of one deeper.

My knees buckle,
collapse and fall under the
weight of such melody.
The harmony of voices joined together
renders me breathless,
my mouth left hanging agape.

Breathing becomes barely bearable,
and my frame falters flawlessly,
falling...

Why does music affect me so?
Why does it leave me so incapable,
so weak to its tide of melody and rhythm?

no title

2006-03-18T11:40:00.000-06:00

The wind is yelling outside,
like its angry at something.
Maybe it stubbed its toe
and is throwing a tantrum.
...I know I would.

I played hockey in my dreams last night.
The sound of blades on ice, the echo of the rink in my ears,
the cool of the air through my equipment as I race down the ice.
*sigh*
Let me tell you how happy I was this morning
waking up with that wonderful memory in my mind.

Spring looks to be having a hard time coming as of late.
Winter - realizing that its time is almost all but gone- is hangin' on with a fierce grip,
refusing to let up its hold.

I am thankful to say that I have begun the mending process.
I don't remember when I was last sick for this long.
It really took me out - stopped me from doing everything.
But, classes and responsibilities all begin again on monday...
35 days folks....
I graduate in 35 days (Lord willing...)

I feel like I am cheating the angry wind of its anger,
sitting inside this place, watching it howl and blow outside.
I feel sorry for the trees,
they are the ones who have to put up with Mr. Angry Wind,
tossing them about, throwing his little tantrum.

Then again maybe they enjoy it,
its the only bit of exercise they get.

jumble of words

2006-03-13T21:37:00.000-06:00

What do you say when there are no words?
How do you speak when there is no sound?

whispers...hints....
a gentle yet persistant mist seaps into this little bay of mine.
I thought of sailing today,
I thought of exploring that vast ocean before me.

A fog......a haze.....
thick as if its something tangible,
like its something to be grasped.
Standing on this dock peering into the mist I hear the call...
"come sail today anyway..."
.................................................smiling as I sail away....
into this mist that blankets me.

I would post...

2006-03-13T11:22:00.000-06:00

but I am really sick.
*argh*
anyway....
I will post upon my recovery.
Until later friends.

.musings.

2006-03-07T16:32:00.000-06:00

I am overwhelmed,
challenged,
stirred.
I feel the call to depth, maturity, intimacy with my Maker.
I feel the desperate hunger to be on my knees,
to know that deep rest that is only found in His presence.
I feel the tension of my flesh and the Spirit within me...
I hear the cry of dissatisfaction risin' within me,
of anger at all the holds me back...

So what can I do?
I can pray, I can worship my Creator.
That is my focus, that is my only goal.
I will seek his face,
I will not let up until I am gazing in his eyes.
And I will trust that He will continue to lay out the path before me and guide me on it.

they have all left....

2006-03-06T13:34:00.000-06:00

the Sr. Higher's have left the campus.
It is always such a strange change,
from packed and noisey to quiet and seemingly empty.

It is clean up today, all the decorations are getting put back into the rooms they stay in until next year. The lounge - which for about a week - was vibrant with colour, now has returned to its more professional look of a college lounge. It is always such a weird switch, like one extreme to the next.

I am always amazed at how fast the weekend goes.
I mean right near the start, I was so exhuasted and was like "its ONLY friday?!"
but then on sunday i'm like "What!? They are leaving today!?"
waaaaay to many emotions in such a short period of time....hahaha.

anyway...things return to normal around here for a few days..and then we are off for reading break....its all come so fast.
back to clean up...ciao folks.

ahem

2006-03-01T10:30:00.000-06:00

It
is
March
First....

Did you hear?
Can you believe it?

oivay...

Captivated

2006-02-28T16:31:00.000-06:00

Anything related to hospitals all carry the same scent.
The sanitized, rubber glove, needles-everywhere sort of scent.
Sitting in the awkward trying-to-be-comfortable chairs I started to recall the different occasions that I have been in a hospital setting. The time I got pushed off a snow hill in elementary school and needed crutches, when my finger got kicked and fractured, going with a friend who needed nose surgery and holding the bucket and being a leaning post as she tried to recover from the anesthesia after the surgery...this is not the list in its entirety but only some glances. They seemed seared into my memory, the smell, the look, the feel of the cheap bed sheets, the look of the nurses fluttering from one places to another.

Realizing that I did not want to be caught up in these memories (I really can hardly handle being in hospitals) I started looking for distractions. Even the thought and memory of what hospitals smelt like was starting to make me nauseous.
Thankfully, a table blanketed with magazines of every size and shape were provided for my leisure. I grabbed the first one I always grab when I am in places like that...the home decorating ones.

I think I have wanted to build my own house since I was really little. I remember always being fascinated with design, architecture, how things are laid out etc. There was this one photo in this magazine that caught my eye as I scanned the decorating ideas and tips that are "hot" and "fashionable" right now.

It caught my eye because not only am I passionate about home design but I am fascinated and long to be more than an amateur at the culinary arts. So kitchen lay outs and designs always catch my eye. This one particular photo was of a kitchen, delightfully laid out, lots of light, wonderfully simple, yet not overly "sanitized" looking. It looked "lived in" if you know what I mean, I like something that looks like and is able to be lived in.

Anyway...what I absolutely loved was that on two of the walls in this kitchen were floor to ceiling bookshelves, making up the wall. The den (or whatever room you could barely see in the picture had that wonderfully warm library look to it) looked like it literally poured into the kitchen, a seamless flow from one room to the other. The books in the kitchen were obviously various cook books and such...but I was absolutely captivated by the idea.

Books speak such warmth and comfort to me, I spend many hours in the library here at college, just sitting amoungst the books (This love of books and literature must be something I picked up from my family). The idea of blending the two feels together just connected with something in me. I must have stared at it for quite awhile, because I was shocked out of my thoughts at the calling of my name...I wanted to steal the magazine (I didn't and am now sad I didn't *smile*) but the image feels like it has slide down into my heart.....if that is even possible....

who?what?where?when?how?

2006-02-27T10:10:00.000-06:00

Prep weekend went unbelievably well.
Things that normally take at least a few more days to finish, were all accomplished in the three solid days we had to prepare. So amazing.

In the midst of having the decorations pretty much up and nearly complete,
almost all of yesterday I kept forgetting that Encounter is this weekend.
It was like a flock of birds dive bombing my head...
"Encounter is this weekend! What the hee haw!"

then of course my next thought was,
"duhhh Raeh, you just spent three days helping with decorations..."

*sighs*...
Maybe it is so hard to believe that Encounter is on our doorstep because it is such a landmarker of time in second semester. I mean, Encounter and then immediately (almost) is reading break where I get to go to WPG! and then all of a sudden its grad....
oh man.....
too fast....
things are definately moving too fast.

....my prayer

2006-02-24T21:16:00.000-06:00

Breathe on me, breath of God,
fill me with life anew,
that I may love what Thou doest love
and do what Thou wouldst do.

Breathe on me, breath of God,
until my heart is pure,
until with Thee I will one will,
to do and to endure.

Breathe on me, breath of God,
blend all my soul with Thine,
until this earthly part of me
glows with Thy fire divine.

Breathe on me, breath of God,
so shall I never die,
but live with Thee the perfect life
of Thine eternity.

Prep Wkd

2006-02-23T18:17:00.000-06:00

Walking into the lounge today was like walking into a wall. A solid wall. I was over powered by the scent of paint and vinyl. The cafeteria was no better because it is the main "painting" room. Large vinyl panels sprawled out all over the floor, paint brushes and garbage bags en mass, people wandering every which way with paint all over them. Yes that is right folks, Encounter Prep Wkd has begun.

Its a frightfully stressful and marvelous time this prep week before Encounter. So much that needs to be accomplished, so many details to put into place, and even though we are often doing things up until the students arrive, by the Grace of God is all gets done. Most of the college is transformed and it is quite a feeling to walk around amoungst the Sr. Higher's and see everything accomplished.

It is great watching everyone work and put things together, to see all of the little tasks that need to get done slowly come together. Its fun to take breaks and walk around, watching people work so hard....

Tonight I am off to watch "Doom" - have been meaning to see it for sometime now. I am watching it with a group of girlfriends who all appreciate those types of movies...shall be a wonderful and amazing time! Until later friends...take care.

2006-02-22T13:12:00.000-06:00

Quote I heard on a commercial today:
"30 minutes a day will detatch that couch from your derriere"

In more sad news for the day,
Men's canadain olympic hockey lost to Russia 2-0...
Nice try guys...
*sniff*

I can't get enough of John Donne

2006-02-21T16:05:00.000-06:00

Salute the last and everlasting day,
Joy at th' uprising of this Sun, and Son,
Ye whose true tears, or tribulation
Have purely wash'd, or burnt your drossy clay.
Behold, the Highest, parting hence away,
Lightens the dark clouds, which He treads upon ;
Nor doth He by ascending show alone,
But first He, and He first enters the way.
O strong Ram, which hast batter'd heaven for me !
Mild Lamb, which with Thy Blood hast mark'd the path !

Bright Torch, which shinest, that I the way may see !
O, with Thy own Blood quench Thy own just wrath ;
And if Thy Holy Spirit my Muse did raise,
Deign at my hands this crown of prayer and praise
[John Donne, La Corona, Acension]

Yeah Canada!!

2006-02-20T15:51:00.000-06:00

Go Canada!

The Olympic Womens hockey team - just moments ago - beat Sweden in the gold medal game with a final score of 4-1.

Hillariously enough they also out shot them with shots on net at about 35 for Canada and a mere 7 for Sweden. Better luck in 2010 Sweden.

I went to grab a cola and as I was on my way back stumbled across the game.

Delirously happy I was able to watch it. The whole time however all I could mutter in my head was "Nice shot" and "Good greif I miss playing hockey"

On the wonderful flip side of my lamenting the fact that I have not been on a hockey team for AGES is the wonderful event at FGBC called NO STAR hockey.

That's right, tis a night where all those wonderful students who do not play on Storm Hockey can find a pair of skates, a stick and helmut, and hit the ice (quite literally I am afraid).

Its a blast of a night and there is enormous fun to be had....I am looking forward to playing some hockey tonight.....but until then, I really need to return to work.

welcome to saskatchewan

2006-02-16T18:08:00.000-06:00

It is -35 outside with a wind that makes it much colder.
This is typical winter weather for this area,
but like so many other places we have also been having
exceptionally warm weather for the season.

This - in effect - has made us wimps.

I will fess up to the fact,
I confess....
this is much wrongness for me,
this cold I refer to.

My skin that is exposed to the cold
begins the freezing process in a matter of moments.
My poor nose, ears, finger tips...*sigh*.
I cannot wait for the day when I can reside in a hot, humid location.

Until then,
Its lots of tea
and fire places.

beautiful

2006-02-15T10:24:00.000-06:00

sun spot
Originally uploaded by Raeh.

At St. Michael's this past weekend it was so wonderfully quiet. It was great knowing that I didn't have to watch the clock, or rush to be somewhere, but that I could just stop to breathe ya know?

Soon however I realized that no where in this place was a good sun spot. At times on this blog I have commented on my love of sun spots.

So I am walking up the hallway towards my room lamenting the fact that I hadn't been able to find a good sun spot when I open the door to my room and see the sun beaming gloriously through the windom directly onto the chair [see photo].

It was like this wonderful gift, so I took the photo and proceeded to sprawl in the chair under the warmth of the sun. The great thing is that I don't even know how long i was there.

I swear I am part cat...

St. Michael's Retreat Center

2006-02-14T10:01:00.000-06:00

I had the priviledge of spending this last weekend at a Franciscan Retreat Center that is supported by Catholic, Luthern, and Anglican.
It was a really nice time to just get away.
It was quiet, and we had the freedom to spend our days how we wished.
I was very thankful for that.
We met for meals but that was the only structure that was there.
Here are some photo's.

The above picture is a shot of inside the chapel. It was a circle shaped room, really basic, really soft and welcoming. The walls are cinder block with highlights of just brick. It was a really neat layout...I loved it.

This picture below is of the aisle that surrounded the chapel, also circular. That entrance way in the left of the picture is the main entrance to the chapel. This was where I spent most of the weekend, sitting in this aisle with the sunlight coming in those top windows...it was great.

This picture is of a wooden statue of St. Francis (it was a franciscan order) that was in the entrance way to the whole building...the sun was coming in through the glass doors, it made wood so warm and rich in colour...

sniff,sniff

2006-02-13T10:12:00.000-06:00

I am sad to report that
Napoleon the Third has died.

RIP good buddy.

On an upside though,
I have an extension on my Art History Paper.
Woot.
And U2 definately makes a morning wonderful.

Peculiar

2006-02-09T18:13:00.000-06:00

Before I make a deliriously gleeful return,
*note the sarcasim*
to the copious amounts of homework I have,
I need to get something off my chest,
well in actuality - obviously - it is my mind.

It has been something that I have been observing for a good length of time now.
At first I thought,
"well that's wonderfully quirky"
but now I just stare with a blank look on my face.

I first noticed it with Yuki the Second.
I
- enjoying the random moments of silence in my house -
would suddenly hear the sound of rocks against glass.
Now obviously this seriously caught my attention.

I would wander in the general direction of the sound
and see Yuki the Second (my turquoise fish for those who are unaware)
trying to place himself under the rocks in his bowl.

I stood there with a smirk thinking
"i've never seen a fish do that before"
and watched him frequently since then doing the same thing.

I thought that this was where it was all going to end,
but no.
Napoleon the Third apparently "caught the bug" as well.
It was about a week ago when I really started to notice.
Walking over to their homes, checking to make sure all was well.
I found Napoleon the Third was doing the same thing Yuki did,
the trying to place himself under the rocks in his bowl thing.

At first I was all like "well at least I am happy that I have quirky fish"
Then a few days ago I am passing their bowls and I can't see them.
Slight panic sets in *how do fish just disappear*
They are no where to be found...

Following logically reasoned thought,
the first thing to cross my mind was,
"JACK EDWARD PINTER!" (my cat)

but then I looked harder.

Here Yuki the Second and Napoleon the Third
have completely buried themselves under the rocks.
Totally under the rocks.
Can you picture it?

Before you would see a random fin sticking out,
like they had been caught in a freak rock slide or something.
but now they are completely hidden.

I am not sure what to make of this.
Did i just happen to find two fish with the same quirky personality trait?
odd.

They appear normal and healthy,
they don't seem "sick",
except that they like to be buried under rocks.

It is delightfully strange to say the least...

breathless

2006-02-08T16:15:00.000-06:00

how is it that so few words can contain such weight?
how is it that they can enter my depths undetected?
Its like a journey, this reading of prose;
following each word,
following thought after seemless thought,
trying to hear the meaning that is meant.

All this until like a sudden glorious sunrise,
the last few words are read and it all falls into place.
The meaning and depth suddenly become as lead and fall with such force in ones soul that the only response possible - is a breathless one, and I am left in a stunned weazy silence.

2006-02-05T15:27:00.000-06:00

Batter my heart, three-personed God; for you
as yet but knock, breathe, shine, and seek to mend;
That I may rise and stand, o'erthrow me, and bend
your force to break, blow, burn, and make me new.
I, like an usurped town, to another due,
Labor to admit you, but O, to no end;
Reason, your viceroy in me, me should defend,
but is captived, and proves weak or untrue.
Yet dearly I love you, and would be loved fain,
But am betrothed unto your enemy.
Divorce me, untie or break that knot again;
Take me to you, imprison me, for I,
Except you enthrall me, never shall be free,
Nor even chaste, except you ravish me.

Holy Sonnet XIV:

Batter My Heart, Three-Personed God

(John Donne)

Mr Francis left this as a comment on a friends blog and ever since I read it I have been pouring over it.
It captures something so perfectly,
a feeling, a cry of my heart...
i'm not sure.
Either way,
reading this stirs me to write again,
I miss writing.

Decision Making

2006-02-03T11:33:00.000-06:00

Many of you who frequent this blog may have known that I was considering doing a short term missions trip with Frontiers Ministries this summer.
In the last handful of days I really felt the LORD putting the breaks on it if you will and I really felt that i wasn't supposed to pursue this trip - who knows why.
So today I made the decision, I am officially not travelling with Frontiers this summer.

I am excited about not going and looking forward to not having to get that whole thing rolling.
I am excited and encouraged that I heard God speak, that I am at the end of a season and at the begining of another one and I am curious and anticipating what is coming next, ya know!

I really want to partner with God and what he is doing here at this college in these last three months I am here. He is doing so much and that is so encouraging and exciting!
I really wonder what is next, what my next step is supposed to be.
oh good grief, i need to write up my resume...

My Man

2006-02-02T09:06:00.000-06:00

Jack01, originally uploaded by Raeh.

This is the man who has won a large peice of my heart. I melt when he fixes his attention on me, or jumps up on my lap and cuddles me.

I am in crazy reflective mode lately - obviously because I am done here in three months, but part of being done is that I will not be with Jack any longer...along with all my friends it will be hard to leave him.

I slipped on ice last night after soccer practice...now I am limping...*sigh*...but I got muffins this morning *horray!*

Welcome to February First

2006-02-01T09:48:00.000-06:00

yup,
it is definitely February.
and that is definitely a strange thing.
There is definitely only three months left in my degree program,
and I am definitely getting emotional about that.
definitely don't have any more words,
happy February first folks.

Collapse

2006-01-31T09:02:00.000-06:00

Its like I am standing before this mountainous wall of rock,
not one gigantic slab of rock, but a wall of stone made up with many pieces.
Its so high I cannot see the top and it is so wide I cannot see either edge,
it consumes me in its scale.

Because I am a texture person I reach out to touch the stone,
to feel its solid cool under my finger tips.
In part I reach out to connect what I see to what I feel.
Is this stone wall actually before me?

I see a small stone that can easily be pulled out
and so I grab hold of it, rolling its edges in my palm.
In the midst of my thought while holding this small stone
I hear the sound of tension, the build up of pressure.
Suddenly the realization that in my reaching and grabbing this small stone,
this wall before me is somehow weakened.
The sounds of tension and pressure are coming from this stone wall
and the danger of the situation becomes very real.

I try and replace the stone as if I never took hold of it.
Frantically trying to stop the collapse that I know is coming.
Suddendly the sound is deafening,
the sound of stone cracking under incredible weight.
I am caught in the collapse, this mountainous stone wall
crumbling and falling about me.
Turning and attempting to run I am caught by the falling stone.
Caught beneath its weight,
its edges,
its collapse.

Survived Soccer

2006-01-30T10:22:00.000-06:00

I am definately sore from Soccer this weekend.
My knees,
my back,
my neck...
but enough complaining out of me.

I fell asleep last night in my bed (which I am hopelessly in love with) and with clean sheets, pillow case, duvet cover, and blanket. It was bliss, comfort, and a peice of the divine all in one moment.

Jack Johnson is providing a most wonderful soundtrack to my morning.
I love walking around in my headphones somedays, listening to that perfect music that makes it feel like you are in a movie. I love those feelings. This morning is one of those mornings. I listened to Will Smith all wkd at soccer and even when I wasn't listening to it, i was still singing it...it was stuck in my mind very deeply. lol.

yup that is all i got, until later.

silly puddy brain mush

2006-01-24T21:34:00.000-06:00

My head nearly exploded today.
I don't quite understand what made this day any different or more prone to near head explosions - but wow.

Now obviously I am not talking about literal head explosion, but the sort of head stretching pound-it-on-a-wall sort of explosion.
The kind where you are hearing or being presented with ideas that are just so much larger than what you have thought of before.
The kind where your paradigms, and boundries of what you know are suddenly stretched much farther than you think is comfortable or normal for any one moment.
The kind where you litteraly need to hold your head because you are SURE that something is going to fall off because of the pressure....
*sigh*

I thought it was gunna just be during the day ya know, during classes or conversations with people and then it was gunna let up, because it really was a SERIOUS amount of streching for one day. Noooo...then chapel had to come (which was great) but it just CONTINUED the stupid head nearly exploding episode

....*arg*....

I sat there and almost the whole time all I could do was hold my head, because i think by that point peices WERE actually falling off because of the pressure build up.

oi.

My plan was to do some homework tonight seeing as i have a large amount. But i just can't, I can't make my little, tired, stretched brain that resembles something like pulled apart silly puddy do any more work. It just doesn't seem right.

there is only one suitable answer for a moment - or consecutive string of moments - such as this and that answer undeniably is
TEA.

Its Over!!

2006-01-23T10:16:00.000-06:00

Ah friends, the search is over!
Thanks to a wonderful friend here at college and our similar musical tastes she has found the author of a song that has been haunting me, trailing me and won't let up in my head!
For months and months this particular song was playing literally everywhere I went, every radio i was near in the cities or in small towns - it was everywhere!

At first I was like "oh that's a nice song" and then soon thereafter I couldn't handle it anymore, I needed - for the sake of my sanity - to know who the artist was. So I started asking where ever I heard it playing. OF COURSE no one, absolutely no one, had a clue who she was. I heard everything from Faith Hill, to Natalie Imbruglia, to Chantel Kreviasick, to Michelle Branch...( I mean really people, could you broaden the field any larger?? lol)

Needless to say I have been living in torture for a very long time with no way of finding out who she was and where she was from and everytime I heard that song I would almost loose my mind. Even trying to search for it on the net was pointless (do you know how many songs there are with Breathe in the title....a very many)

Yesterday I am walking through the lounge and my friend calls out to me "Rach, have you heard this artist before?" so I walk over because I am always about expanded my musical tastebuds...I put the earphones on and what song do I hear? Thats right folks, the song that has been haunting me FOREVER (slight exaggeration I realize) and I just stood there bug eyed, not believing...but there it is...I found the artist. *sigh* I can rest in peace.

Its like when you see an actor in a show who is normally in a movie but you haven't seen the movie in a while and you KNOW you recognize the actor but you JUST CAN'T place it, his name or even what movie he was in, ya that happens to me ALOT because I see so many movies.

beauty eh

2006-01-22T13:45:00.000-06:00

For the last couple weeks the trees outside have been covered with snow and ice that makes even those of us who despise the cold love the winter season. It has been so beautiful. As I walk around town to various places, so many times I have had to stop because the beauty of the snow on trees, vehicles, houses, and fences just stops me short. Of course I haven't had my camera with me in those moments and I get frustrated with that reality, so I have decided to find a way to attach my camera to my body, so that it will come everywhere with me, for those most wonderfully random moments of beauty.

Yet that is a fine line is it not? I mean, I wonder sometimes if God simply gives us moments of beauty for that moment, something to be tucked away in your secret place with God.

Take a sunrise or sunset for example, some are more brilliant than others, all are amazing, and they last but a few string of moments and then life continues. I love finding those little moments of beauty that God places in our day, just for you if you have eyes to see them there, because there is always beauty around you, we are immersed in it, yet we often don't have eyes to see it.

What has been beautiful to me lately?
- snow on the trees.
- the sound of a piano
- the look in the eyes of my friend
- those two wonderful sun spots here at the college
- watching the girls try hard and play so well at soccer this wkd
- seeing the weeds on the side of the highway frozen and covered in ice
- hearing Jack purr as he is all curled up on the bed
- hearing my friend laugh from across the room
- listening to Michael Kaeshammer's blues piano rendition of Just a Closer Walk with Thee (frickin' amazing)

What beauty have you seen/noticed lately?

I love athletics

2006-01-20T09:40:00.000-06:00

I am sure somewhere in the course of this blogging blog-ness I have mentioned my love of athletics, pretty much any sport I will either love it right away or most likely grow to love it.

I often have difficulty just "working out". The processes of finding enough energy to get to the gym and then to actually work out, thanks but I would rather spend my solidtude doing something else.
I need a "sport" to work out in. Ya know - something like volleyball, badminton, basketball, hockey, floor hockey....anything really.

This is why, even though I am discustingly busy this semester, I am still on the soccer team (we leave for a tourny in an hour) and I play on the FGBC's Bob Stone floor hockey conference (we did the draft for this semester and I GET TO STAY WITH MY TEAM! HORRAY).

I need things like that to get my heart pumping, blood flowing - I mean who knows when and where I will be able to play sports after I leave this place. I do believe I have missed my prime and even though I am looking at attending University I doubt I'll make the cut for atheltic teams...we shall see.

I find myself getting really excited, i have a ride to the Peg for reading break and I haven't been there in over a year (that's just sad and wrong) so i'm very excited to be back in that city, connect with great people that I got to know a little bit before I left, be back at WCV...i can't wait....so for all you Winnipegers that read this blog - see ya soon!

the overlap

2006-01-19T11:04:00.000-06:00

The beginnings of semesters are so insane.
I don't like seeing my friends and peers so stressed.
Syllabi mounting, assignments looming, responsibilities not disappearing.
The beginning is always especially nasty.
The fear and panic settle in like thick fog.
All hope seems to disappear in the haze.
Sure it passes eventually, but the time before it passes is torturous.
"How can I possibly accomplish all this semester is demanding of me?"
"How do I balance my life with my school work?"
*sigh*
It is starting to hit me in ripples,
this reality that I am graduating April 23rd.
That as far as I know next fall will not carry with it the stress of syllabi, assignments, organizing how many hours in a day you have to play with, trying to figure out how long you need for different assignments.
Its been one crazy awesome ride these last three and a half years.
Strange that this season is ending and another is starting....
I find myself today in the overlap.....

I miss you Nikki - dearly

2006-01-14T22:47:00.000-06:00

this grief - it weighs so.
its tides move in and sweep me away,
pulling me limb and tears thrashing into its grip.

helpless to its strength,
consumed by its scale,
soothed by its pain,
fearful of its striping power...

raw and bare I exist in this grip.
like a faded scent the sound of her laugh
fades in and out.
The smirk in her smile still brings one to mine,
and I am still caught up in her eyes
as she tells a story.

So near to my heart,
so detailed in my mind,
yet these memories have become so 'Monet',
so faded and muted in their colour,
no longer realistic in expression,
....yet still so powerful in that expression,
however impressionistic it may be....

moving on is an issue for tomorrow's plate.
...or next week's.
...or next month.
and yet as I desire to never face that issue,
i know it will come and much sooner than hoped.
Sure as the sun rises,
so does time keep ticking,
life keep going,
and so I will keep trying to live in the midst of grief.

Art History

2006-01-12T17:53:00.000-06:00

I am so thankful for this art history course I am just finishing up. To be able to take a course on something that I really find interesting and appicable is such a gift I think.

Being in class however is somewhat frustrating because certain "wrestlings" that have lain dormant are not very much so not dormant any longer, they are in my face daring me to wrestle with them. I find I can only wrestle with them in fits, small moments of strength, and then I collapse in exhuastion, hyper ventalating as my spirit is out of shape and doesn't know how to wrestle.

I am hoping however, that the small moments when i do fight, and wrestle those things that it will be a means of training and my spirit and heart will grow stronger....

I have been so overwhelmed by my love for a couple of things lately.

I have always wanted to be a photographer.
In fact I think one of the first careers that I remember wanting to pursue when I was a child was to work for National Geographic as a photo journalist (I mean travel and take photo's as a living! Hello! Frickin' amazing)

The other has been sculptures.
Being an only child I spent much time on my own farting around in the back yard, or in back alleys or in broke down buildings and such. I was an explorer, i loved it. But I remember trying to carve things out of blocks of wood I found or enormous stones. ( I used to throw smaller stones at the large stones trying to carve it - needless to say it didn't work very well but boy did I try...lol)

These two things have been stiring in me like crazy since before xmas, and it is getting near unbearable...

I found once again the web site of this sculptor in Vancouver - stinking amazing stuff...take a gander, especially the suspended figures...

Go Here

Sing to me Eddie...

2006-01-10T16:13:00.000-06:00

Even though I was born in '82, my first conscious appreciation of music came with the likes of Guns and Roses, AC DC, Van Halen, Metallica and once the dawn of the early nineties arrived came the appreciate of Nirvana and Pearl Jam, (not forgetting early Much Dance Mixes.... mmm)

Today has been a Pearl Jam day,
Acoustic tracks and otherwise the vocals of Mr. Vedder and the musical abilities of the band has taken me back to one of my first musical loves and has reminded me of how much I love this band.

*sigh*
sing to me the rest of my day Mr. Vedder...

As said by John Wesley

2006-01-09T11:04:00.000-06:00

Do all the Good you can.
By all the means you can.
In all the ways you can.
In all the places you can.
At all the times you can.
To all the people you can.
As long as ever you can.

and a prayer from the Book of Common Prayer to send you on your way...

Send us now into the world in peace,
and grant us strength and courage
to love and serve you
with gladness and singleness of heart;
Through Christ our Lord, Amen.

well...

2006-01-07T15:12:00.000-06:00

the banners are hanging.
They are up.
..........and its only taken four months..........
(note the sarcasim..*wink*)

I will say that it definately looks really good to have material hanging in there. It amazes me that even something as simple as putting material up, can change and add SO MUCH to a room.
I love our chapel but it is so bleak and the one bit of art that is there is covered up by the overhead screen, so its nice to seem something different in there.....
I don't think that I am sold on the image on them yet, but that is more of a paint and material issue...it would be AMAZING if we had some gifted banner makers that could use that transparent gold material that I used and then sew the image on instead of paint it...that would look AMAZING... ( I will add it to my "learn how to do" list)

anyway...after a week of art history class, painting till I can't handle it anymore and more late nights than I care to remember...I am off to play 007 on my PS2, i need to touch up on my snipeing capabilities....why is running around stealthily with a gun so satisfying to my soul?

p.s- for those of you who follow the church seasons, yesterday was the begining of Epiphany - I challenge you to find ways in which you can celebrate the season!

CANADA WON!

2006-01-05T21:13:00.000-06:00

What a wonderful game.
Canada beating Russia in the gold medal game 5-0 (actually 5-1)
Both teams played well,
Canada played AMAZING....
*sigh*
I really love hockey...
hahaha.

Cheers to you Junior Team! Good job...

Go CANADA Go!

2006-01-05T08:18:00.000-06:00

I just have to say that I was DEEPLY happy that the USA World Junior Hockey team got beaten.

Canada is in the finals against Russia tonight!
HORRAY!

Watching world Jr. Hockey over xmas was something I greatly enjoyed when I caught it.
Canada is so going to win, they are playing so well...

today

2006-01-03T11:14:00.000-06:00

Favorite things today:

Not The Doctor acoustic version by Alanis Morrisette
Camomille Tea
The smell of paint
Making faces at friends while they are in class. *snicker*
The stripped dungeon.
rearranging and cleaning my office.
My clove candle by my bed.
Wrestling through issues dealing with communicating truth through art.

Happy New Year!

2006-01-02T19:07:00.000-06:00

Well my first class of second semester has now come and gone.
I think it will be good.
Of course it will throw a tonne of issues on my mind and heart that just need to be wrestled through but it is good to be in Dal's class again, i think it will be good.

I need to go paint these banners...
argh.
maybe if all goes well i will finish them tonight!
Here's hoping!

Happy new year friends, happy new year.

tomorrow is monday

2006-01-01T23:32:00.000-06:00

Today was the first full day I have been back at college for this my last semester.
Definately very strange.
Tomorrow mini semester starts and that will - I am sure - be very strange.

I was just wiped today.
Almost completley out of commission.
I hope I sleep well tonight so that I have some energy to face tomorrow.

There is much going on in this little heart and life of mine.
Many emotions, many thoughts.
The will to fight for freedom and truth comes and goes,
It is always harder to fight for oneself than it is for others.

It was one of those beautiful winter days today.
sort of warm, but snowing lightly...
it was nice.

wednesday

2005-12-28T23:16:00.000-06:00

And this break is winding to a close.
Granted I don't leave until Saturday but tomorrow will start the motions of what needs to be done before I leave this place. Gathering all my stuff from around the apartment and starting to pack, it is amazing just how spread out it can get eh.

I have class on Monday.
That seems silly to me.
I feel like I should have some buffer time before I need to use my brain in that way again. I guess mini semester serves as buffer time before regular semester starts. I have a lot to do though upon my arrival and am actually a bit anxious about it. Deadlines are approaching and I want to do a good job, meet the deadline, and actually have these banners look good.

These last four months of my program are going to look very different than the semester I just finished. I am anticipating many different things, and of course surprises along the way. It is sort of exciting knowing that it won't be the same....I am looking forward to seeing how each day unfolds.

I have decided to drop greek.
I really want to finsih it, have it completed on my transcrips, but I just don't think I want to deal with the stress of it. I have enough on my plate in my own life I won't add to it. This is my last four months and I want them to go relatively smooth...I don't think I will make it any harder on myself this time around...lol.

I need tea.
catch you all later.

musings from munich

2005-12-27T22:52:00.000-06:00

I watched Munich this afternoon. It is the new Speilberg movie out if you were unaware.

When people ask me what I thought of a movie right after I have seen it - it is very hard for me to answer. I need buffering time, time to stew on all that I have just seen and heard.
Especially in the case of this movie.
This movie is very dialogue heavy, very intense, very situationally driven and very raw. So during the three hours as events unfold there is so much that you are taking in and trying to process.

In the midst of trying to process all that the movie is putting forth you are dealing with your own thoughts, opinions, and views. It becomes a rather tricky balancing act. At least it does with me.

The movie deals with the subject of vengence and essentially what that does to your soul. Eric Bana was phenominal, gained some serious respect for his acting abilities with this movie. It is through his character that you watch the effects take shape....powerful performance.

The movie challenges the idea of "grey areas". We all have those areas in life that we think are black and white, simple and neatly tucked away in a labled box and put aside. But Speilberg did an amazing job at taking an issue that was/is black and white to many and then slowly revealing it, peeling away layers, and ultimately revealing the complexities that make it so very very grey.

There are so many grey areas in life. Issues that you cannot just package neatly like you want too. I find that everything around me tells me to get to the point as fast as possible, package the issue, lable and identify it as soon as you can. I am realizing the value of taking time for things, being alright with not necessarily identifying something as soon as I can, but letting it reveal itself, letting things unfold and trusting that process...that process of unfolding and revealling.

random thoughts from a random evening...

no title today sorry

2005-12-26T23:25:00.000-06:00

In six days it is 2006.
Is that strange for anyone else?
I can't quite believe it.

I will be leaving for school again on saturday,
that too is strange for me.
Even though I have a discusting amount of things to do upon my arrival back there I am greatly looking forward to cuddling my jack again, really missed that cat these last two weeks. I don't know what I am going to do come April and I have to leave the guy....many many visits will be in order next year...not just for Jack though...lol.

I am looking forward to being with friends again. It is quite a shock to the system after living and being with the same people for four months to all of a sudden not be around them.

I think it is a necessary break however, we would probably all go nuts without a break...but it is very much so a shock to the system. So I am thankful that I get to see friends again in a few days and hear about how their breaks were. Some from the class I started with are going to be back this semester and that makes my heart glad.

I bought a much needed winter jacket. I came here hoping to get one, didn't actually think i'd find one, but I did and i am thankful for it. Now i have a decent jacket to last a few years!
Oh and I bought the newest David Grey Cd - stinking amazing.
I can't believe I didn't buy it sooner - I should know better, i mean really. lol.

advent

2005-12-25T01:01:00.000-06:00

I read somewhere recently something that has been echoing in my spirit, obviously because of the season as well. It was a question posed...

Are we living the Advent?

that was it, that one line. It packs a punch if you have your head up.

I am still in awe that it is the 24th..
oh wait...
as i type i am 3 minuets into the 25th...
how odd.

Here is a benediction to send you off with...

As years shorten to days,
and days shorten to hours,
go into the moments before you with anticipation of Christ's coming.
Go with the certainty of God's promise

yishbya blah

2005-12-23T18:53:00.000-06:00

I walked with my mom this evening. The weather here has been beautiful.
Crisp air that isn't too cold. The sun shining in all of its winter heat. I love weather like this. I am very close to Whyte Ave. which is a street here in the south that has wonderful little shops with trinkets, and fun stuff.
I even found a gravity pope! love that shoe store.

On my walks thus far I am reminded how much I love the hustle and bustle of strangers. I think that is why i can put up with customer service jobs, I love interacting with strangers, trying to brighten their day with a smile or good service.
It feels more like spring than two days till christmas.
*WHOA*
.....two days....
unbelievable.

So I have four months of greek to brush up on in two weeks...
have I done any greek yet?
nope.
definately haven't.
-oops-

well...mother and I are watching Mr. and Mrs. Smith tonight...
I have already seen it and looking forward to it a second time.
I am anticipating hearing my mother laugh at all the sarcastism.

Well...afraid I don't have much else to say,
so until later friends.
.ciao.

conversations

2005-12-21T23:53:00.000-06:00

I spent nearly the whole day with a friend I don't see near enough. Everytime we are able to connect I am reminded of the beauty and mystery of church; the body and family of believers I am a part of.

The power of a conversation often catches me off guard.
The power of having those real honest conversations with someone,
the stuff and the things that make our lives,
giving and feeling the freedom to be real and not surface,
is so precious, so powerful.

My spirit dances inside everytime I am graced with these types of conversations.
I thank God for putting people in my life that challange me,
bless me, confront me, love on me, and give me the room to be myself.
I hope and pray that I can be that for others.

xmas season

2005-12-19T15:00:00.000-06:00

I am still blown away by how surreal it is that 1st semester is over, that I have two weeks until the begining of my last four months starts, and that I am in Edmonton with family. It just doesn't seem real.

Yet here I am, in edmonton, about to go watch my cousins b-ball game. It is good, really good to be here, just leaves me a touch confused...
I mean, where did the last four months go?

I finally did some changes to this blog,
there is nothing like wrestling with html....
someday i'll actually know what I am doing...lol.

How is your advent season shaping up?

fog and mystery

2005-12-12T23:03:00.000-06:00

Watching the grain elevator slip into the fog silently
was like watching the obvious slip into the elusive,
the paramount in my mind slide into the subtle.
I stood there watching it slip away,
this colossal thing helpless to the pull of fog.

Watching that elevator disappear into the mist of evening

brought out the child in me.

tickled my curiosity

and made me want to explore.

I was reminded of the mystery that is the Christian faith,
the things I will never wrap my mind around.
And yet in the face of all the elusive,
I hear that playful call "Give it try..."
I feel the smile of His face as I give into my curiosity and try to understand,
try and see all the corners,
know the unknowable,
and be consumed by the paradox.

Found it

2005-12-11T13:17:00.000-06:00

Well friends...
a name for the poor nameless turquoise betta splenden of mine has been found.

It arrived on friday night during our annual xmas banquet here at the college.
Sitting at a table with friends is always a treat and this night especially so.
As we were discussing this issue of finding "nameless fish" a name we settled on the truth that it had to be an asian name.

And then it just happened.
At our college about the time of my first or second year there arrived a Japanese student who was a very wonderful man. He was funny, smart, and just all around great. He became somewhat famous around this humble campus of ours and in turn some other friends of his ended up naming their fish after him.

As the discussion at our table friday night turned to the memories of this gentleman at our college and the previous fish who held his name...we realized that a perfect name had been found!

YUKI the 2nd

So now my wonderful fish has a name - yuki the 2nd.
So in our house we have Napoleon the 3rd, Yuki the 2nd and Jack (the cat) the 1st....
hahahahaha

Her heart

2005-12-08T18:59:00.000-06:00

...we don't need another bible study,
another book group,
another time of prayer,
another trip to the mall (don't get me wrong these are all good things.)

but we do need relationship. it has to be concious. it has to be intentional....

My friend... thank you for sharing your heart...
I recomend that you read the rest of her post.

Betta Splendens

2005-12-07T10:04:00.000-06:00

Alright friends,
I was given these two fighting fish for xmas.
One fish is this awesome deep red/purple colour who I promptly named Napoleon
[the 3rd to be exact - he looks exactly like Napoleon the 1st - how exciting!]

The dilema comes with unidentified fish number 2.
he is this great green colour (the above fish obviously isn't a picture of my own but gives you an idea of what type of fish it is.)

I cannot find a proper, fitting name for this guy.
I am asking any who stumble across this page to offer some suggestions.
The name can be from any language or culture (as long as it isn't too hard to pronouce).
I appreciate the help.

watching

2005-12-05T20:21:00.000-06:00

The wood is beautiful to my sight.
the knots and cracks,
light and dark areas,
the texture that you can almost feel.

Golden and rich in colour and emotion.
It is reflecting something in me today.
A sense,
an ache,
it captures me somehow.

I am very overwhelmed and busy these days.
When I get this busy everything inside of me seems to hurt.
I often find myself stopping and watching,
flat on my back staring at a ceiling.

Not really thinking anything overly much,
just watching,
just waiting,
just breathing.

I love those moments.
I love to watch.
I love to watch and pray.

I will return now to my watching,
soaking in the wood above me,
waiting and watching.

Movie Musings

2005-11-28T11:14:00.000-06:00

I am amazed at the busyness of life.
How things - many and varied - seem to fall onto the "to do" heap all at the same time.
How life throws at you thoughts you've never considered before, gives you a glimpse of yourself from a radically different angle, and through it all teaches you the importance of integrity.

I watched The Last Samurai yesterday - it has been a while since I have seen it. Like most people I am drawn to the honourable warrior lifestyle of the Samurai especially in comparison to the arrogant cockiness of the North American mind and lifestyle. I am drawn to it because well firstly it is another culture and I love other cultures but also because it is such a contemplative and meditative lifestyle being portrayed. The appreciation of beauty, of discipline, of integrity and honour.

In no way do I say this movie is perfect, it is still very much so Hollywood's portrayal and I know that full well, but this time through - as with previous viewings of it - certains parts, or sentences, or facial expressions that say more than words ever could, seemed to capture something - parallel with some of the stirrings of my soul lately.

The movie put an image to it and in the process I saw a part myself. I saw deep longings that I have not been able to put words too and like the weepy human I am as of late - I wept and grieved for the loss of something so beautiful - this way of life with all of its history and values.

Of course with it has its flaws - but as Kazumoto (the Samurai leader) speaks throughout the movie of a life that is not wasted if it was spent searching for that perfect blossom something in my spirit yelled "YES!" I saw the parallels about how my life is not wasted searching the mysteries of God that seem so elusive.

I was struck throughout the movie how the simple, honourable, and disciplined ways of the Samurai were so hard for Alderan to grasp. You could read it all over his face as they had their conversations. It was like the sound of two things grinding together causing the face to scrunch up because it is nearly unbearable. The way of life of the Samurai stood in the face of everything Alderan thought life was about and in turn challenged him and changed him.

I thought about how that was an interesting image for following Jesus. The ways of the Kingdom of God stand in the face of everything we think life is about or is supposed to be about. It challenges us and changes us as we begin to see and understand parts of it.
Its mysteries invade us and flip things around - how do you hold onto and live this "upside down" Kingdom? This Kingdom's way of life that seems to grind against how we think life is supposed to be lived?
I want to embody this way of life, this upside down Kingdom's rhythm of life.

concerts

2005-11-25T03:23:00.000-06:00

The other day I was taken back into a memory - a concert I went to with friends - and just loved the moment of being caught up in that memory. It got me to thinking about the artists that I have seen live...here's who I have seen in no particular order.

Delirious
Riley Armstrong
Hokus Pick
Placebo
Idlewild
Jann Arden and the Wpg Symphony Orchastra
Ani Difranco
Our Lady Peace
Amanda Marshall
Remmy Shand

not a very long list... wish It was longer....there are many musicians out there that I would like to see live. There are a bunch of smaller, independant bands that I have seen as well but I won't list them all...

who's concerts have you been too?

Library - itis

2005-11-22T21:09:00.000-06:00

I have spent nearly every free moment during the last few days in the library.
I think I am developing a twitch.
One of those twitches from doing things too much.
Like blinking...
(Have you ever tried focusing on blinking and in turn over blinked?)

Anyway it is starting to get under my skin.
I do not particularly like working in this library.
However the recent expansion has made it MUCH more pleasant to spend some time here.

It is becoming quite disgusting the amount of work I have to do.
Major papers and assignments coming out of my wazoooooo,
readings and teachings to prepare for.....
all this too accomplish with only a mere 25 days left...
what the heck - when did that happen.

My eyes burn from staring at word documents,
My back aches from sitting in this chair that is too low for the table,
My mind dribbles......sort of like normal......

So its at the point where I will be reading a paragraph and upon reaching the end I stop, look up and realize that what I just read was important - but the problem is that I don't know why it is important, so I just stare at the words like they are foreign entities on the page mocking me with their "oh so important" ness.....

*sigh*

Could this be a sign of too much schooling?
Could this be a sign of mental break down?
Tea is needed.
Twill solve the problem.

the power of steadiness

2005-11-20T11:46:00.000-06:00

It is a new week - or well some look at it as the last day of the old week - either way it is a new day and for me and the start of a new week. I am still sick being plagued with a cough that keeps me up most nights and a constant feeling of nausea that is just plain annoying. It really is frustrating trying to live life with this "thing" stayin' about. Anyway...soon it will go.

My aunt sent me a quiz about which race in middle earth you belong too....
Very pleased to find out where I belong ....

What race in Middle Earth do you belong too?

I have been surprised by the power of truth as of late.
One of the stories of my life is how God has been so subtle and yet so powerful in that subtleness. How I have always wanted to SEE him working, moving, changing things in my life and how I never could. You know...I wanted the burning bush, the red sea, cloud by day and fire by night sort of stuff...don't we all?
Then a few years later I look back and see the power of God, the grace of his action in my life, and how he so incredibly changes things.

He hasn't changed his pattern of how he works in my life and I have grown so thankful for it. He is steady and consistent, changing things deep and below eye level. Sure it is easy to get discouraged thinking that "nothing is changing" "nothing is happening" but in reality something colossal is getting reworked, not just surface stuff, but things that lie deep. He is taking the time to rework things properly so that they are brand new.

Becaues I have looked back in my life and seen this "pattern" and have known the power of this steadiness, I feel like I have faith to trust and obey in the face of crazy things. I feel reckless and like a little child without a worry because I know God is working and I trust his work.

I have encountered Truth and surprise surprise! it has shown itself steady, consistent, and transformative. Doing such work that I cannot even imagine, behind the surface, in deep places, like a steady stream of water falling through cracks and bringing life to dry places.

very, very neat....

still sick

2005-11-16T09:25:00.000-06:00

It was pitch black when I flopped out of my warm bed this morning.
Jack the cat (who is black) nearly met his death as I stumbled over him on my way to the door. The funny thing was that he would wait in the hallway and when he heard me move even slightly, he was in my room, meowing up a storm, trying to get me out of bed.

Disgruntled and barely breathing I finally catered to my starving cat.

I was up unusually early this morning and over a warm over sized mug of hot chocolate I watched the most incredible sunrise through horror frosted trees. My roommate wasn't up yet so he house was quiet (all except Jack scarfing away his food). It was really nice to be standing in the dark, with warm liquid sliding down my poor soar and scratched throat, watching an amazing winter sunrise....

I am still sick.
I haven't been sick this long in a REALLY long time.
I can't breathe, can't sleep, barely have a voice because I have coughed it to death.
*sigh*

I wonder if I go to our volleyball tourny this weekend would I pass out from the exertion? I guess I'll find out at practice tonight....I hate passing out.

My mom is in Montreal.
I'm so excited for her, someday we'll make the trip to that city together.
Oh and I finally mailed of that application for that missions internship thing this summer...now we will wait and see if I get accepted.

Here is too a day of hot chocolate and tea, friends and laughter, sun spots and fireplaces.

blah

2005-11-15T10:59:00.000-06:00

I want to write and expound the musings going on in my heart.
This illness I am currently being visited by is preventing me though.

There are 31 days until we as a student body are released for Xmas break.
31 days.
Where the heck has this semester gone?

I watched two movies yesterday, I haven't done that in a long time, the whole watching two movies back to back I mean.

And I really want to play my PS2 but my TV is being lame and so I can't.
Deep suckage.

*sigh*

10 beautiful things in the midst of being sick:
- a warm, comfortable bed.
- movies to distract the brain
- tea
- seeing my friends smile
- candles
- books
- tea
- friends
- sun spots
- pretending to be Jack the cat

back in eston

2005-11-13T21:37:00.000-06:00

I
am
wiped.

so utterly
exhausted.

I drove most of the way home. To do that when you have had a full and packed weekend is quite a feat. Not to mention the fact that driving zones me right out anyway. None the less we made it back here in fine form give or take a couple tired drivers.

I had a really good weekend.
I am so thankful that I was able to go.
It was worth feeling this tired at the end of it.

Now it is early to bed so that I can arise early and right a book review...
ahhhh *sigh* so quickly back into the grind of this world of bible college.

I am done in 5 1/2 months...
can you believe that?
I sure can't.

A little Will for ya...

2005-11-12T18:06:00.000-06:00

Blow, blow, thou winter wind,
Thou art not so unkind
As man's ingratitude;
Thy tooth is not so keen,
Because thou art not seen,
Although thy breath be rude.
Heigh-ho! sing, heigh-ho!
unto the green holly:
Most friendship is feigning,
most loving mere folly:
Then, heigh-ho, the holly!
This life is most jolly.
Freeze, freeze, thou bitter sky,
That does not bite so nigh
As benefits forgot:
Though thou the waters warp,
Thy sting is not so sharp
As friend remembered not.
Heigh-ho! sing . . .

new place

2005-11-11T11:24:00.000-06:00

I find myself in Regina Saskatchewan blogging this afternoon.
It is reading break at the college and instead of sticking around the school I took the opportunity to come down to this - The Queens City - and visit with friends, old and new, and to lend some support to Sheri who is speaking at the youth conference.

It has been really nice to be away from the college.
Thankfully I get my fix in on volleyball trips - but I missed the last trip and so I feel as though I have been cooped up at that place for too long.
But all is well, I ususally only need a handful of days with a change of scenery and then its all good and I can return and work hard.

Well I did it guys - I bought a new laptop.
The old died and now I have one that is reliable and which was a good.
it feels nice, the familar fun of getting used to a "new" toy....
I am just relieved that I have a reliable computer now, and I have lots of warrenty on it which will last me because I have no idea what I am doing come April. lol.

*sigh*
I am off to have my daily afternoon shower...
ciao.

all over the place

2005-11-07T23:24:00.000-06:00

I obviously haven't posted in a while.
Many thoughts, questions, topics, lists all run through my head but as I open up blogger and try to start to type - there is just nothing - no words seem appropriate.

I'm not sure why words don't seem appropriate right now.
Maybe it is because there is SO MUCH going on inside my head and heart.
Maybe because there is SO LITTLE going on and i'm just tired.

This afternoon i was grieved.
Overwhelmingly so.
I would just look at my friends and peers in the eyes and get all teary eyed.
Even just thinking about turning my thoughts to God and I got teary eyed.
In mid conversation I'd get teary eyed...
*i'm sure you get the point*

This was the state I was in as I arrived early for Volleyball practice tonight.
I started crying as I walked to the gym.
Arrived and began stretching and getting ready - feeling so heavy and so sensitive.
I swear if someone had said something even slightly "sarcastic" to me I would have broke down.

Once again sports rescued me from my emotional state.
They have honestly saved my life on so many occasions and I am blubberingly thankful for their role in my life.
They served as that outlet for all the bottled up emotions I had growing up - all the things I didn't know how to deal with or face, all the "what if's" and "i don't knows", the "i don't get it's" and the "i'm trying so hard's"

I thought of their role in my life as I served the ball, cheered for my friends, and made myself do pushups till I thought my elbows were going to pop off. (I hate arthritis)

and now I am so very tired.
physcially, emotionally, and Spiritually.
I need rest.
I need a hot shower but our shower is broken...*argh*
I need tea....
mmm - yes - to the tea I go.

Barely Breathing

2005-11-01T23:53:00.000-06:00

This candle lit room envelopes me in its calm,
surrounds me with its gentle light.
This moment is precious, delicate and I dare not breath for fear of it leaving.
This presence with me is soft, gentle, and allows me to rest,
I am known so completely, so entirely..... what amazing rest is found in that.

Staring out the rain streaked window is somehow so satisfying.
Watching drops of rain gather weight and then slide down the pane is like watching flowers dance in the wind or birds soar on a breeze.
I sit barely breathing, just watching rain fall and cover the world on the other side of the window.

I am challenged in this moment.
Not as if someone were yelling - but I am challenged in the whisper.
That intimate whisper sending shivers throughout my soul.

I look forward to watching the rain as I slip into sleep.

the onslaught of November

2005-11-01T13:30:00.000-06:00

It is november and with novemeber comes the ever and all to familar barrage of stress, sleepless nights, cold weather, stress, sleepless nights, cold weather, stress...

I had my panick attack reverantly referred to as the "freak out session" sunday and monday as I was preparing to teach a class for my mentor who was away.
rapid breathing
nervous beyond healthy limits
sweaty palms
nausea
light headed
I was quite a sight.

Sure I was nervous about teaching on Monday - I won't lie - but this nervous "freak attack" I had was much larger than the issue of teaching on monday. It was one of those "holy-crap-everything-is-caving-in-on-me-and-I-won't-get-it-all-done" moments. It was a time when your huge "to do" list is so large and extensive that it rolls and wraps around your brain many times, consuming all that is in there, all rational thought, and any hope of calm.

Of course I survived teaching and leading class discussion - thanks be to God.
Of course things are never really has horrid as they seem to appear.
Of course I probably overracted
but the point is the moment consumed me....
swallowed me in its teethy, slimly grip.
*blahhhh*

I am still waiting on stupid student loans......grrrrr......
and I am listening to Old WCV music....*sigh*
Its their 10 yr anniversary as a community this weekend....
wish I could be there....

And I am joining the FHL here at school (floor hockey league)
fun times...fun times...

Bring it on November....bring it on I say...

Rolling on the Floor laughing....

2005-10-29T22:59:00.000-06:00

The leafs lost 8 -0 tonight to Ottawa....
BAHAHAHAHA.
HAHAHA
HAHA
TEEHEE
*snort*

and to make the evening that much better...
the Oilers won....
HORRAY

eight to nothing....
*chuckle*
hahahahahaha

I'm going to sleep well tonight...
bahahahahaha

a great afternoon

2005-10-28T22:04:00.000-06:00

four friends
40 minuets out of Eston
one who wouldn't answer her cell
excellent tropical chicken pizza
amazing chicken fajita pizza
complete with honey garlic wings and coke
one movie that was better than expected (flight plan)
equals a very wonderful afternoon/early evening.

oh and because I am a sucker for these things...

Your Superhero Profile

Your Superhero Name is The Emerald Prodigy

Your Superpower is Extra-terrestrial

Your Weakness is Cold Weather

Your Weapon is Your Fungal Gel

Your Mode of Transportation is Stilts

What's" your Superhero Name?

sway to the beat

2005-10-27T10:16:00.000-06:00

Savory Cuban melodies and rhythm's play - filling this stripped dungeon of an office with the sway and swagger of a land very different from my own.
In my world this day, walking is not required, one must rather "move to the rhythm" in order to get around.
Homework falls into step and typing is only done along with the beat as my mind drifts to places more warm, air thick and hot.

I smile as I type, dance as I think, and laugh at the jokes my teacher subtly dropped at 8:20 this morning...

I am still exhausted - felt pressed to pray yesterday and found out rather humorously that I was not alone. A prayer meeting that started at 12:30 by about 1:30 had almost the whole school invovled and while classes were stopped we spent the afternoon seeking God, being very aware of His call for us to pray, to confess and repent of sins, and to seek His face.
It was an incredible time of seeking God - prompted by the Spirit - as a body...
It isn't done - that was only the beginning.....

memories

2005-10-26T18:10:00.000-06:00

I have been overwhelmed today (and yesterday mind you) with memories. Good memories. Memories that make you miss times, places, people, little quirks....*sigh*.

Someone will say something and I will flash back to a moment from a job in Wpg a handful of years ago where at work a co-worker is telling a story and we are all rolling on the floor laughing because a) she tells stories in such a hillarious and unique way and b) the story is simply hillarious.

I worked at this coffee shop for just over a year in Wpg and there were these enormous windows (nearly floor to ceiling) that stretched the length of this corridor where the shop was situated. Because I opened and closed at this place I would watch the days pass by - sunrise to sunset - out these windows - often times feeling very stuck in a place that at times didn't quite seem like reality.
I wonder if that's how fish feel....being all stuck in a bowl.....

I remember my favorite thing about winter and about being able to work at this job was this one guy.
**side note - Regulars always make a work place worth it, even if it is a customer service job**
He would arrive early in the morning
- athletic build- a little on the skinny side, tall (over 6' for sure), gentle face, deep dark eyes, about in his late 40's - mid 50's, and very quiet.

From our perch inside these windows we would watch as he found his bench, sit down and put his skates on. He would spend most of the day figure skating in the middle of the forks where they put a slab of ice over the concret for the winter as a little mini outdoor skating rink.
All by himself just skating the day away.
He was a regular, and skated for us and the world almost every morning during the long cold winters.
He reminded me of beauty, and that winter isn't all that horrible after all.

On days where he wouldn't show up we would miss him and drink our chai hoping he would show up the next day. He was such a beautiful surprise in the middle of the cold winters in Wpg.

I have really been missing Wpg alot....such treasured people and memories from my time there.

lyrics

2005-10-23T10:57:00.000-06:00

I'm usually not one for posting much lyrics on this blog - but this weekend as we volleyball players travelled to MJ and back four of us were in a friends car and listened to this song quite a lot. I woke up singing it this morning (I love to wake up singing...) and there were some lines that were very powerful to me....
Which lines stop you and make your heart take notice...?

I built another temple to a stranger
I gave away my heart to the rushing wind
I set my course to run right into danger
Sought the company of fools instead of friends

You know I've been unfaithful
Lovers in line
While you're turning over tables
With the rage of a jealous kind
I chose the gallows to the aisle
Thought that love would never find
Haning ropes will never keep you
And your love of a jealous kind
Love of a jealous kind

Tryin' to jump away from rock that keeps on spreading
For solace in the shift of the sinking sand
I'd rather feel the pain all too familiar
Then be broken by a lover I don't understand
'Cause I don't understand

One hundred other lovers, more, one hunderd other altars
If I should slow my pace and finally subject me to grace
And love that shames the wise, betrays the heart's deceit and
lies
And breaks the back of foolish pride

Jars of Clay "Jealous Kind"

words

2005-10-20T11:05:00.000-06:00

Words I love this moment:

proclivities
cacophony
rummination
ka-zun-tight
soporific
propensity