I miss you Nikki - dearly

this grief - it weighs so.
its tides move in and sweep me away,
pulling me limb and tears thrashing into its grip.

helpless to its strength,
consumed by its scale,
soothed by its pain,
fearful of its striping power...

raw and bare I exist in this grip.
like a faded scent the sound of her laugh
fades in and out.
The smirk in her smile still brings one to mine,
and I am still caught up in her eyes
as she tells a story.

So near to my heart,
so detailed in my mind,
yet these memories have become so 'Monet',
so faded and muted in their colour,
no longer realistic in expression,
....yet still so powerful in that expression,
however impressionistic it may be....

moving on is an issue for tomorrow's plate.
...or next week's.
...or next month.
and yet as I desire to never face that issue,
i know it will come and much sooner than hoped.
Sure as the sun rises,
so does time keep ticking,
life keep going,
and so I will keep trying to live in the midst of grief.