wednesday

And this break is winding to a close.
Granted I don't leave until Saturday but tomorrow will start the motions of what needs to be done before I leave this place. Gathering all my stuff from around the apartment and starting to pack, it is amazing just how spread out it can get eh.

I have class on Monday.
That seems silly to me.
I feel like I should have some buffer time before I need to use my brain in that way again. I guess mini semester serves as buffer time before regular semester starts. I have a lot to do though upon my arrival and am actually a bit anxious about it. Deadlines are approaching and I want to do a good job, meet the deadline, and actually have these banners look good.

These last four months of my program are going to look very different than the semester I just finished. I am anticipating many different things, and of course surprises along the way. It is sort of exciting knowing that it won't be the same....I am looking forward to seeing how each day unfolds.

I have decided to drop greek.
I really want to finsih it, have it completed on my transcrips, but I just don't think I want to deal with the stress of it. I have enough on my plate in my own life I won't add to it. This is my last four months and I want them to go relatively smooth...I don't think I will make it any harder on myself this time around...lol.

I need tea.
catch you all later.

musings from munich

I watched Munich this afternoon. It is the new Speilberg movie out if you were unaware.

When people ask me what I thought of a movie right after I have seen it - it is very hard for me to answer. I need buffering time, time to stew on all that I have just seen and heard.
Especially in the case of this movie.
This movie is very dialogue heavy, very intense, very situationally driven and very raw. So during the three hours as events unfold there is so much that you are taking in and trying to process.

In the midst of trying to process all that the movie is putting forth you are dealing with your own thoughts, opinions, and views. It becomes a rather tricky balancing act. At least it does with me.

The movie deals with the subject of vengence and essentially what that does to your soul. Eric Bana was phenominal, gained some serious respect for his acting abilities with this movie. It is through his character that you watch the effects take shape....powerful performance.

The movie challenges the idea of "grey areas". We all have those areas in life that we think are black and white, simple and neatly tucked away in a labled box and put aside. But Speilberg did an amazing job at taking an issue that was/is black and white to many and then slowly revealing it, peeling away layers, and ultimately revealing the complexities that make it so very very grey.

There are so many grey areas in life. Issues that you cannot just package neatly like you want too. I find that everything around me tells me to get to the point as fast as possible, package the issue, lable and identify it as soon as you can. I am realizing the value of taking time for things, being alright with not necessarily identifying something as soon as I can, but letting it reveal itself, letting things unfold and trusting that process...that process of unfolding and revealling.

random thoughts from a random evening...

no title today sorry

In six days it is 2006.
Is that strange for anyone else?
I can't quite believe it.

I will be leaving for school again on saturday,
that too is strange for me.
Even though I have a discusting amount of things to do upon my arrival back there I am greatly looking forward to cuddling my jack again, really missed that cat these last two weeks. I don't know what I am going to do come April and I have to leave the guy....many many visits will be in order next year...not just for Jack though...lol.

I am looking forward to being with friends again. It is quite a shock to the system after living and being with the same people for four months to all of a sudden not be around them.

I think it is a necessary break however, we would probably all go nuts without a break...but it is very much so a shock to the system. So I am thankful that I get to see friends again in a few days and hear about how their breaks were. Some from the class I started with are going to be back this semester and that makes my heart glad.

I bought a much needed winter jacket. I came here hoping to get one, didn't actually think i'd find one, but I did and i am thankful for it. Now i have a decent jacket to last a few years!
Oh and I bought the newest David Grey Cd - stinking amazing.
I can't believe I didn't buy it sooner - I should know better, i mean really. lol.

advent

I read somewhere recently something that has been echoing in my spirit, obviously because of the season as well. It was a question posed...

Are we living the Advent?

that was it, that one line. It packs a punch if you have your head up.

I am still in awe that it is the 24th..
oh wait...
as i type i am 3 minuets into the 25th...
how odd.

Here is a benediction to send you off with...

As years shorten to days,
and days shorten to hours,
go into the moments before you with anticipation of Christ's coming.
Go with the certainty of God's promise

yishbya blah

I walked with my mom this evening. The weather here has been beautiful.
Crisp air that isn't too cold. The sun shining in all of its winter heat. I love weather like this. I am very close to Whyte Ave. which is a street here in the south that has wonderful little shops with trinkets, and fun stuff.
I even found a gravity pope! love that shoe store.

On my walks thus far I am reminded how much I love the hustle and bustle of strangers. I think that is why i can put up with customer service jobs, I love interacting with strangers, trying to brighten their day with a smile or good service.
It feels more like spring than two days till christmas.
*WHOA*
.....two days....
unbelievable.

So I have four months of greek to brush up on in two weeks...
have I done any greek yet?
nope.
definately haven't.
-oops-

well...mother and I are watching Mr. and Mrs. Smith tonight...
I have already seen it and looking forward to it a second time.
I am anticipating hearing my mother laugh at all the sarcastism.

Well...afraid I don't have much else to say,
so until later friends.
.ciao.

conversations

I spent nearly the whole day with a friend I don't see near enough. Everytime we are able to connect I am reminded of the beauty and mystery of church; the body and family of believers I am a part of.

The power of a conversation often catches me off guard.
The power of having those real honest conversations with someone,
the stuff and the things that make our lives,
giving and feeling the freedom to be real and not surface,
is so precious, so powerful.

My spirit dances inside everytime I am graced with these types of conversations.
I thank God for putting people in my life that challange me,
bless me, confront me, love on me, and give me the room to be myself.
I hope and pray that I can be that for others.

xmas season

I am still blown away by how surreal it is that 1st semester is over, that I have two weeks until the begining of my last four months starts, and that I am in Edmonton with family. It just doesn't seem real.

Yet here I am, in edmonton, about to go watch my cousins b-ball game. It is good, really good to be here, just leaves me a touch confused...
I mean, where did the last four months go?

I finally did some changes to this blog,
there is nothing like wrestling with html....
someday i'll actually know what I am doing...lol.

How is your advent season shaping up?

fog and mystery

Watching the grain elevator slip into the fog silently
was like watching the obvious slip into the elusive,
the paramount in my mind slide into the subtle.
I stood there watching it slip away,
this colossal thing helpless to the pull of fog.

Watching that elevator disappear into the mist of evening

brought out the child in me.

tickled my curiosity

and made me want to explore.

I was reminded of the mystery that is the Christian faith,
the things I will never wrap my mind around.
And yet in the face of all the elusive,
I hear that playful call "Give it try..."
I feel the smile of His face as I give into my curiosity and try to understand,
try and see all the corners,
know the unknowable,
and be consumed by the paradox.

Found it

Well friends...
a name for the poor nameless turquoise betta splenden of mine has been found.

It arrived on friday night during our annual xmas banquet here at the college.
Sitting at a table with friends is always a treat and this night especially so.
As we were discussing this issue of finding "nameless fish" a name we settled on the truth that it had to be an asian name.

And then it just happened.
At our college about the time of my first or second year there arrived a Japanese student who was a very wonderful man. He was funny, smart, and just all around great. He became somewhat famous around this humble campus of ours and in turn some other friends of his ended up naming their fish after him.

As the discussion at our table friday night turned to the memories of this gentleman at our college and the previous fish who held his name...we realized that a perfect name had been found!

YUKI the 2nd

So now my wonderful fish has a name - yuki the 2nd.
So in our house we have Napoleon the 3rd, Yuki the 2nd and Jack (the cat) the 1st....
hahahahaha

Her heart

...we don't need another bible study,
another book group,
another time of prayer,
another trip to the mall (don't get me wrong these are all good things.)

but we do need relationship. it has to be concious. it has to be intentional....

My friend... thank you for sharing your heart...
I recomend that you read the rest of her post.

Betta Splendens

Alright friends,
I was given these two fighting fish for xmas.
One fish is this awesome deep red/purple colour who I promptly named Napoleon
[the 3rd to be exact - he looks exactly like Napoleon the 1st - how exciting!]

The dilema comes with unidentified fish number 2.
he is this great green colour (the above fish obviously isn't a picture of my own but gives you an idea of what type of fish it is.)

I cannot find a proper, fitting name for this guy.
I am asking any who stumble across this page to offer some suggestions.
The name can be from any language or culture (as long as it isn't too hard to pronouce).
I appreciate the help.

watching

The wood is beautiful to my sight.
the knots and cracks,
light and dark areas,
the texture that you can almost feel.

Golden and rich in colour and emotion.
It is reflecting something in me today.
A sense,
an ache,
it captures me somehow.

I am very overwhelmed and busy these days.
When I get this busy everything inside of me seems to hurt.
I often find myself stopping and watching,
flat on my back staring at a ceiling.

Not really thinking anything overly much,
just watching,
just waiting,
just breathing.

I love those moments.
I love to watch.
I love to watch and pray.

I will return now to my watching,
soaking in the wood above me,
waiting and watching.